I feel a little stupid for not keeping up with this blog, for some reason blogging has been put on the back of my priority list. There is so much to to say and explain since the last post. Summer is long gone and now i'm close to finishing my first semester back at school, the information gap is huge. Perhaps trying to summarize chronologically would be best... let me just start by saying this year's been phenomenal, even with its bumps and pains, I dare say its been magical in some ways.
As I mentioned in my last post, summer was fantastic, all my plans happened to roll out as I hoped they would, I found a job, and I was blessed by working as a summer camp counselor. The learning experience was unexplainable, there were days when I thought my sanity would be lost but then many moments where all the tribulations were well worth it. For example, I had kids during teen week who didn't want to open up, participate, or even talk to each other. At first I was frustrated and a little annoyed, but I didn't know, I didn't know that one of them had been in foster care since he was three, moving a total of 21 times, and 4 times in one year. All he wanted was to stay in one place, have a foundation, make friends, and no longer fear that he would be plucked up and moved again for unknown reasons. I didn't know one of my kids had a dad in jail, feared he was becoming like his father, and feared God would abandon him. This teen wanted to make enough money so that one day he could provide everything for his mom and sister, which told me he is nothing like his father, and I was able to assure him. I didn't know I had a kid who had spent most of his life in foster care because his mother was addicted to drugs and his father was abusive. I didn't know I had a kid who's family immigrated from Mexico and feels out of place, who just wants his parents to be more reasonable and adapt to the culture, such as not buy him tools and work items for Christmas. I was blessed to hear their life stories as each of them asked for prayer during dedication night. Even after camp commitment we stayed up till 12:00 talking in the bunk house and getting to know each other We talked about parents family, pasts, friends, favorite foods, cars, dreams, favorite movies, and DaJa-Vu.
During summer I was also to see my cousin Megan Woods get married. It was a very emotional event, as during the wedding my head was bombarded with flashes of memory. Being close in age, when we were kids, our parents made us do practically everything together - including baths. When I looked back and saw how far she had come, how old she had gotten, it was just amazing. It sure made me feel old, and it made me really think about my life. It was actually a very difficult, because I felt awfully displaced. While I was up at my uncles house for that weekend, I also noticed they painted and redecorated, which was another large shock, because in that house I had a plethora of good memories, many of them came about before my parents divorce. So, I guess, the easiest thing to say, is it was wonderful but also hard having to experience so many changes in one short period of time. It was so encompassing that I felt a sense of magic in the air. Experiencing so much in such a short period of time caused me to feel things I have never really felt before, see things I never saw before, such as entirely new level of appreciation for whats around me. I appreciated my family so much, I appreciated the harmony I felt being around them. I appreciated the beauty that was in my uncles back yard, I appreciated the cool breeze in the air, the smell of good food, and the sound of upbeat music. The entire atmosphere was just divine. I think, if I had to choose to re-live something for the rest of my life it would be that weekend. My cousins are the closest thing I have to siblings, and my uncle's and aunt's are the closest thing I have to God honoring and relational mentors. I love all of them so much!
After leaving camp I had the rest of the summer to Enjoy. Megan's wedding was just one miraculous event, I was also blessed to spend time with my uncle and aunt up at shaver lake. I spent about 4-5 days at their cabin, and it was so relaxing. It was the third year of me being able to go up with them on vacation Looking back I feel as if God spoiled me, giving me so much wonder and joy in just one summer. Being able to wake up and look out their back window to the view of endless mountains, a giant valley, and beautiful trees was just breath taking. I felt the presence of God at that cabin and it was so comforting. It was also nice spending time with my cousins, playing video games, catching up a little bit, but most of all, just being able to be idle and rest. However, we also went out to the lake a couple times and that was amazing too. My uncle rented jet skies and we rode around for a couple hours one day, then the next day most of our time was just spent sun bathing and relaxing. I felt so privileged and so blessed. I truly believe, without family, I would never be able to experience such joy and happiness, or be able to experience such peace. When I see my family its as if time turns back, and I find my roots again, I realize who I am, and where I come from. I remember what the values of my heart are, the morals of my heritage, and the character of my grandparents as it continues to be lived out in my uncle and aunt. Driving home from these vacations is always the most difficult, but the also the time I feel closest to God. I am given such a load of joy to carry and reflect on. In fact, now that I think of it Anytime I go up north to see family and come back, its as if the Lord is bringing to a really new place.
School started shortly after returning form my uncles cabin, and I have been in it ever since. It's my third year here at APU, which is something I never truly expected. Truly, I expected to fail, because my entire academic career up until Azusa Pacific University was something that told me I was a failure. Yet, now that I am finishing up with my first semester of this third year. Sure, I had a couple bumps along the way, as I dropped out of my German class thinking it wouldn't be survivable, worrying all the time I spent on it would hinder me in other classes, but now I question whether or not that was the wisest of ideas. I also went through midterms week and got some pretty bad results back, which made me panic further, but now I feel alright. This past weekend I had to go up North again, because my Uncle David passed away, it was a break from the chaos down here, but it also brought about a new kind of chaos, one that I needed. The Lord really rocked my world, I was thrown into a emotional roller coaster, but it was a good one. Like Megan's wedding, it made me think about life. It made me appreciate my family, appreciate my uncle's and aunt's. It also made me truly value my grandma, and think about what it would be like if she were gone. This in turn made me miss my grandpa, which was the hardest thing to think about and endure. It made me think about where I was spiritually, where my heart was investing itself, and it made me draw closer to God. When I returned from the trip I spent the night at my grandmas, on the couch I grew up sleeping on.
I laid on that couch for a couple hours reflecting on the hundreds of other times I spent the night at my grandmas house. I could even remember the times when I was afraid of the dark. While laying down, while lost in thoughts and memories, I had moments of crying, moments of pleading with God, moments when everything just fell out flopping all over the place. My heart was on that couch just sitting there, open, and vulnerable, pleading to God, pleading over silly things and over huge things. Some of it was wishing for a different life, thinking about my past, and then some of it was appreciating what I had and thanking God for his mercy and Grace. It was a place, and a thing, and a experience that hasn't happened in far too long. I really haven't had much to complain about, I haven't had too much to worry about, nothing other then school, and as a result I haven't spent as much time with my heart out on the floor with God. While being in school its been hard going to church, its been hard keeping connected with friends who spiritually grow me, yet, God has remained my God. It has been much easier for me to speak with and worship Him, I just wish it was more consistent It seems that being on my third year here, God has become my best friend, my source of comfort and affirmation, and I have dropped the idea of getting these things from people. Yet, my life doesn't revolve around God in the same way it used to a couple years ago, and it worries me. Should it worry me? I think the best thing to do at this point is continue pushing on. I trust God
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