It has been such a long time since I have had good conversation. My soul has felt unchallenged, idle, perhaps dead. As you know I have not been working, and right now I am not in school. This lack of activity leaves me at home to wonder the world, lose my sanity, a unhealthy thing. I already saw it become of me and knew the only way out was to go out. Yesterday I decided to do just that.
Before leaving I read a blog of a good friend, then felt challenged by something I did not yet fully understand. In ignorance I decided to make up my own assumption of the mater, make up another opinion on the idea of morality, to plot this opinion at my local Star Bucks. I was so literally blind, when I arrived there I completely missed a friend sitting in a corner.
Thankfully though he noticed me and there couldn't have been a better time to do so, because I was at bedrock. As he later pointed out, rightly so, I was running around in circles trying to hide from something I didn't have in the equation - Sin. The stuff I have been, in my heart, trying to prove all along is a bunch of fluff. It is such a hard thing to deal with, something I thought so hard that it cant exist.
Today I know what I must do. Firstly, stop reading Wikipdea as a reference to anything philosophical. Secondly, ground my beliefs in something which is already apart of them. Instead of attempting to create new and more complex ones using others. Thirdly, which I will actually do first, finish mere christianity.
I will probably post another blog later today about some other things, theres not doubt about that. Until then....
Monday, January 24, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Entry Eighteen: A decision to further analyze.
My brain has been processing something, I was able to grab it from a file marked "important". Apparently its been 28 months sense I took my first flight. Since then I have only logged 10 hours ($1k). Any realist would tell me that my goal is not accomplishable within the given time frame, with my given circumstances - desired time of completion age 21, 40 hours, $5k.
During christmas I was given a decent sum of cash for flying, from my family. But Dropping another 1k for another 10 hours is not going to get me any closer to my goal then I already am. I need to get enough cash to start and finish it all in one period. Which would amount to 4 times the $um of that I already have.
There are a few possible routs to take, but these depend on a few factors, so nothing I actually have, is set in stone. #1 A large factor is my job, if I can stay on past sessional then I will continue saving my money. #2 If my uncle can donate a few dollars, then, I will continue saving. But if neither of those things take place then its going to wall street & retail.
Another thing I have thought about and desperately wanted to do, for the past 16 months, is get my car rigged for AB,LB,&VHF, detection. I have countless hours of research on Radio equipment, I also want to "some day" get my HAm radio license. It was actually a big goal of mine last year, but again I lacked finances even for that. This is and has been my backup plan if I was for some reason "grounded" for a long period of time. But a bad one, because it too takes money to launch.
My impulses are sizzling with energy, I want to take action and get shit done. Its unfortunate god, and the economy lack the same urge. The good word says its all in his timing, so I guess I have to continue waiting. At least my job has given me a time, I should know by friday If I stay.
During christmas I was given a decent sum of cash for flying, from my family. But Dropping another 1k for another 10 hours is not going to get me any closer to my goal then I already am. I need to get enough cash to start and finish it all in one period. Which would amount to 4 times the $um of that I already have.
There are a few possible routs to take, but these depend on a few factors, so nothing I actually have, is set in stone. #1 A large factor is my job, if I can stay on past sessional then I will continue saving my money. #2 If my uncle can donate a few dollars, then, I will continue saving. But if neither of those things take place then its going to wall street & retail.
Another thing I have thought about and desperately wanted to do, for the past 16 months, is get my car rigged for AB,LB,&VHF, detection. I have countless hours of research on Radio equipment, I also want to "some day" get my HAm radio license. It was actually a big goal of mine last year, but again I lacked finances even for that. This is and has been my backup plan if I was for some reason "grounded" for a long period of time. But a bad one, because it too takes money to launch.
My impulses are sizzling with energy, I want to take action and get shit done. Its unfortunate god, and the economy lack the same urge. The good word says its all in his timing, so I guess I have to continue waiting. At least my job has given me a time, I should know by friday If I stay.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Entry Seventeen: The New Year
Well its the second day of the new year and aside from some strange driveway parking, It has been a good start. I found a nice bonus of some sort in my checking account, from work. And I will be turning 21 in may, fine wine and bar culture here I come!
I also have a few dollars saved in the bank for flying, it doesn't sum up to the total amount, nothing near it but its still a good start. I also emailed my uncle, I haven't spoken to him since Thanks Giving. Because my situation has grown rather grim, I pleaded my case and hopefully he will pitch in something to further my goal.
I have been out of pray though, I have realized that. For the past couple of months I feel that my walk with god has slowed to a craw. I haven't been reading the word, nor any devotion. As of the past four days I have been attempting to complete a book by C.S.L but thats besides the point. The point is I have become distracted, this is something I still need to work on, distraction and time management. I think my new years resolution will be to find a little more time for everything, and a little less time for myself.
I am still hopeful about my job, a few people that were let on around the same time as me, I haven't seen much. I really do want to stay here, its such a interesting and fun place to work. I feel like the days I did in Elementry, an A+ student, ambitious, dedicated, glee from praise. It would be rather dreadful if I was forced to be bored all winter, I don't start school for another few months and If I have nothing to do during that time I will surely go mad. I clearly remember last year, yes that one, vacant depressing and hopeless.
If all does hit the fan, then radio shack will be my next venture. I will hammer away at the management like there is no tomorrow until they let me on. In the mean time I should prepare, set further plans. I have gotten a few good business cards from customers at work. My wallet is fat from them all, I am sure one or more would be happy to hire me if they hear the bad news. I have been complimented many times on my salesmanship.
Anyways, I must be going I have much to do today.
I also have a few dollars saved in the bank for flying, it doesn't sum up to the total amount, nothing near it but its still a good start. I also emailed my uncle, I haven't spoken to him since Thanks Giving. Because my situation has grown rather grim, I pleaded my case and hopefully he will pitch in something to further my goal.
I have been out of pray though, I have realized that. For the past couple of months I feel that my walk with god has slowed to a craw. I haven't been reading the word, nor any devotion. As of the past four days I have been attempting to complete a book by C.S.L but thats besides the point. The point is I have become distracted, this is something I still need to work on, distraction and time management. I think my new years resolution will be to find a little more time for everything, and a little less time for myself.
I am still hopeful about my job, a few people that were let on around the same time as me, I haven't seen much. I really do want to stay here, its such a interesting and fun place to work. I feel like the days I did in Elementry, an A+ student, ambitious, dedicated, glee from praise. It would be rather dreadful if I was forced to be bored all winter, I don't start school for another few months and If I have nothing to do during that time I will surely go mad. I clearly remember last year, yes that one, vacant depressing and hopeless.
If all does hit the fan, then radio shack will be my next venture. I will hammer away at the management like there is no tomorrow until they let me on. In the mean time I should prepare, set further plans. I have gotten a few good business cards from customers at work. My wallet is fat from them all, I am sure one or more would be happy to hire me if they hear the bad news. I have been complimented many times on my salesmanship.
Anyways, I must be going I have much to do today.
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