Entry Twenty Two: Realizing the spiritual.

When driving home today, from Acton, I couldn't help but notice my peripheral vision zoning out. In the distance, I observed the mountains moving away and everything in front of me disappearing behind. The trees were whipping past, and the traffic zipping on in the opposite direction... but, it was odd.

Finally though, my arrival home appeared in the windshield, I was very relived to be there. Getting out of my car I walked around breathing in the fresh polluted air of Los Angeles, opened the front door, climbed the stairs to my room, and sat at my desk for just a few moments. The stress of everything behind me began to unload. Then ironically, I needed to use the restroom.

I charged to the hallway, but then decided to bring a book along, (Ill be transparent for a moment), wearing boxers I ran downstairs, barefoot in the garage, and grabbed the book from my car. I was working my way through the ScrewTape letters By CSL over the weekend, determined to finish letter fourteen.

The deed was done and I moved onto my shower, blasting some gospel music in the process. Being in the desert for two days can actually cause quiet a lot of grime to build up, even in a house, who knew. Shaving was nice too, my beard was beginning to grow out. After stepping out and actually really realizing where I was... something even more bazar happened.

Time just stopped, I realized in that moment, standing in my room drying off, a sort of peace I haven't felt in awhile. I experienced a giant flash of reality, like someone slamming a hammer over my head. But it amounted to a small little truth, a gentle voice, "Time goes on". Strange I know, because that is of course common sense.

Immediately everything, even as I continue to type now, is clear. It appears, these past two days were a manifestation of spiritual process, where I spiritually was and am now. The awareness of things able to pass, coming out of a desert, the stress of life being melted away, washing clean of grime, and finally drying off in the presence of gospel.

I cant explain this experience, Im sure it will be hard for anyone to understand. I guess an easier way of looking at it, would be two days of complicated Deja Vu. Its amazing how the biological being and my spiritual can be so parallel, perceived that way with immense clarity. I must have become so caught up with my troubles and disappointments - of the past, that I was blinded to the fact there is still a future.

He illustrated where I was, in the world around me, holding my hand and pushing me through. Just last friday, I was so worried and caught up with "myself", where "I" was going to be in 5 years. Another thing dawns upon me now - "I" don't really need to care/worry about "me". As long as I can remember, it has never actually been "me" heaving on, that brought "me", places. It has been the support of my parents, the love of my friends and my family, but most of all god.

I laugh now... at my own selfishness and stupidity.

My last thought...
continually curious is this journey I am on.