Entry Elevn: Thanksgiving

It feels like it has been two weeks sense the accident. I can still remember it all, I was so worried and mad and furious at god for what happened.

No good news came today nor yesterday but for a number of other reasons I feel relived. Thanksgiving was yesterday and it was quiet fun. I absolutely love seeing my distant family, I love each and everyone of them. If I could or was allowed to, I would try and move in with my Aunt, she has such a wonderful home.

Actually both of them do, in different ways both are special. One house is out in a quiet town with a huge lot and beautiful view. The other is just, bluntly, huge!!! I always feel so proud when around them. Even though there accomplishments are not mine, they are genetically and spiritually related. Which must mean that my future, if I put my mind to it, is just as bright.

Christmas and summer are also great times we spend together. Each holds a special place for certain reasons. On christmas I get to spend the night at one of my aunts houses, and all the family does as well. Its like one giant slumber party - quiet amazing. And during the summer we occasionally all stay at the beach house. Which is equally cool, great view, large space, and plenty of good memories.

What I like the most about thanksgiving, aside from what I learned this year and the things I always realize, is the amazing Lan partys we put together. Our family is elite (chukles), we all own macs. For the past three years we have been hooking them up, adding more each year, and playing COD4. Its awesome seeing your two uncles, aunt, and 10 cussing playing the same game. This year we had 11 macs hooked up, 3 imacs and 8 macbook pros.

What I learned this thanksgiving, truly, is what I am thankfully for. I mean each year my eyes are opened little by little. But this year, being 20 it feels like they were punched open. For one, responsibility - normally at 20 years old you work full time, go to school, and try to pay for a majority of your own things. At least in my family this is how it goes, even though my uncle and aunts are finically set for life and perfectly capable of providing them, they prefer ti push there kids to be independent.

All of my cousins are older then me, except for two, only by a few years. In the past I always put myself down for not working hard enough, or not being smart enough, or doing enough. All of them seemed so perfect. Yet now, they look well... normal, and sometimes quiet sad. They have so much to worry about and carry on there shoulders, at such a young age they are almost to independent.

I have a majority of the things they do because my parents supplied them to me. For the longest time I never realized how special that was. I am not a failure for not getting these things on my own - something I thought I was before. I also realized how great my parents were, I somtimes thought they did a horrible job of raising me. But after hearing my mothers speech on thanksgiving about school, it completely changed.

(I am so thankful for my classroom) She basically explained all the many things dealt with over the year. She is a kindergarden teacher, she had a girl with no arms who she helped, boys who were beaten at home, and girls who were "uneducated". She commutes to work in LA, near the more dangerous and poor areas. The stories she told made some of the family want to cry, I already heard them and grew used to them.

After seeing the reaction from the families face, it made me feel so proud. My mother has such a great heart and gives so much and trys so hard. Although she doesn't make a large sum of money each year like the others, she has qualities they do not, and a very rare and special heart. I really have been blessed with the best of both worlds.

I could not have a better view. I feel like I am on center field, just sitting and observing the qualities of two teams, actually four. This in itself is a blessing, not many people are exposed so strongly to upper, middle, and lower, classes - and EVERYTHING that goes along without them. Normally you only see one or two, but never all three.

I am also blessed spiritually, because my grandpa was a pastor and his blessings have passed down onto his children and onto his grandchildren. My entire mothers side of the family is blessed and this makes me glad. I never really was able to understand how rare this was until being exposed this year, to people and places I never saw or was aware of. I have visited quiet a few churches and seen a few families, but never seen one so well put together and organized as ours. One with such open arms, hearts, and abundant wealth.

Experiencing all this has just been a wonder and completely changed the outcome of this year. God intervened, when my life was going down and I was mad, he steered me to the people who love me most, and completely turned my perspective right side up. I honestly cant imagine what more this year will bring.